I don’t know why this is such a difficult concept for my family to understand.
They always give me the same spiel about how my grades would drop if I were to date someone, how I would be distracted, I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend until I’m done with school because it would “ruin my future.”
Bullshit.
I don’t believe that relationships are “distractions,” nor I do think that academic success and intimacy are mutually exclusive. Rather, I argue that my priorities and actions reflect my values. If my grades were to drop after being in a relationship, it wouldn’t be because my boyfriend “distracted” me from my classes; it would be because I prioritized my relationship over my coursework.
Of course, nothing’s wrong with shifting our priorities. People change. But let’s stop pointing fingers at external factors (clubs, relationships, etc.), and start accepting responsibility. C.L. wasn’t “distracted” when she was dating; she made the conscious decision to prioritize her relationship.
Moreover, academic success and relationships are not mutually exclusive. It frustrates me when I try to argue this point, and yet when answer negatively to the question, “Do you have a boyfriend?”, I’m told, “See? That’s why. If you had a boyfriend, you’d know, and you’d understand.” Excuse you, but I did have a boyfriend, and I managed to juggle everything just fine. No one knew the difference. My grades were still fine. I was just as involved outside the classroom. I still did well on the SAT. In fact, I would argue that I did even better, because I had someone to confide in when I was stressing under the pressure and transition to the pace of AP/Honors classes.
But I could never say that. The response continually clings to the tip of my tongue, because I know those remarks would open a whole new can of worms (“You did? With who? What’s this name? When? Did you two do anything?” etc.), and I just could not be bothered to deal with it. The point is that I managed to balance my academics, extracurriculars, and relationship just fine. Furthermore, we didn’t break up because I prioritized my schoolwork either, but because I didn’t (and still don’t) have the spine to tell my folks that I was in a relationship.
It annoys me when my family thinks that I can only focus on one thing at a time, because that tells me that they don’t think I have control over my life. I am not doing well in school because I don’t have a boyfriend. I did not score well on my MCAT because I don’t have a boyfriend. I am doing well in school and scored well on my MCAT because I made the conscious decision to prioritize that. With or without a relationship, that is currently a top priority for me. Dating someone wouldn’t change that.
Likewise, my decision to be single stems from that fact that I’m not actively interested in anyone. (Am I crushin’? Yes, but let’s ignore that for now.) It is not because I’m afraid of suddenly doing poorly in school. If I happen to want to be in a relationship in the future, then I’ll be in a relationship. If my priorities were to change in the future, it will be because I decided to change them
I’d like to think that I’m in control of my own actions, thank you.
