I can’t believe they released this egghead into the wild.
But in all seriousness, a thousand thank-yous to everyone who helped me on this journey. The past 5 years have been incredible beyond words. Your love and unconditional support has been tremendous—I’ll never be able to fully repay it, and can only hope to pay it forward.
(Special shout-out to the dude who saw my 5’3″ frame, looked at me in the eye, and handed me an XL gown.)
I found place to stay! I can finally stop spending 5+ hours a day poring through apartment listings. Although a studio is all I can safely budget for—these Bay area prices, even with these incredible rental concessions…—it looks quite spacious, and I’m already looking through Pinterest for décor ideas. It even has an in-unit washer and dryer—bless.
On a broader note though, searching for apartments virtually has been an absolute mission. Oakland is supposedly similar to Baltimore: gentrification is rapid and perceived safety varies considerably by block. I’m lucky to know folks who live in the area and could help narrow down my search, but I think I still looked at over 20 buildings on my short-list, and ended up needing to create a spreadsheet (now available on my Resources page) to organize it all. I also appreciate how virtual tours allowed me to visit multiple complexes in a more condensed timeframe; it made comparing between places a bit easier. Looking back, I can’t believe I managed it 5 years ago when I literally signed my lease the day I flew into Baltimore, sight unseen.
With that box finally checked off my list, I can now get started on other things:
It’s all coming together, and wow are things getting real.
After living alone for 5+ years, I have to now decide if I want to (1) still do so at the expense of my wallet or left kidney or (2) go back to living with roommates/flatmates.
I’m also reading up on rent control and the Rental Adjustment Program and…buddy, it’s quite easy to tell which buildings are rent-adjusted based on available amenities or appliances alone.
I will say that the pandemic has resulted in some amazing deals (e.g. 2-3 months off rent), but knowing that my future leases will have an effective ~25% rent increase is…oof.
Just…breathe.
I’m heading off to Kaiser Permanente Otolaryngology/Head & Neck Surgery in Oakland!
I’m stunned and beyond thrilled. I absolutely loved my interview day at Kaiser and all that the program emphasizes:
All in the heart of the Bay area, right in California. The best part is that I didn’t even expect to love it as much as I did on interview day:
What. A. Plot. Twist. I am so, so lucky to have found my Match.
I’ve matched! What. A. Journey.
I didn’t even realize I was supposed to find out today. Although I’ve known that Match Week starts with an NRMP status update on Monday, I didn’t realize that the status was different between a full match or a prelim-only match.
Not many people know this, but I actually applied into preliminary surgery programs in addition to otolaryngology, and had seriously considered dual-applying to general surgery. I’ll write about my thought process on this matter another time, but the crux of this was that I was terrified and knew I did not have the…mental fortitude to navigate the SOAP if I didn’t match. Because of this, while I was very hopeful to receive an “I’ve matched!” email from the NRMP today, I didn’t think the wording of the message would be specific enough. I fully expected to find out on Friday (Match Day) if I had actually matched.
Apparently, the NRMP states that 4 potential messages exist:
I hadn’t realized that Message #3 could exist, which means that upon looking back, I matched…fully.
Holy shit. I’m going to be an otolaryngologist.
The world isn’t ready.
I’m not ready.
‘Tis the end.
With Rank Order Lists (ROL) due tonight, I’m still trying to process that it’s happening. Quite honestly, I don’t know how to feel.
Terrified? Yes, but also resigned and with reluctant acceptance. Whatever happens will be out of my hands.
At the same time, I feel incredibly grateful that I had the foresight (and enough self reflection) to apply into preliminary surgical programs as a back-up. It feels good to know that I likely won’t have to deal with the chaos that is the Supplemental Offer & Acceptance Program (SOAP)–because frankly, no matter how many times I read the horror stories on forums like Reddit, I know my heart can’t take the stress.
Moreover, I feel so incredibly blessed and fortunate beyond measure. The 2020-2021 residency application cycle is the most competitive in recent years from a numbers standpoint: 625 applicants for only ~350 otolaryngology slots. I knew heading into this cycle that I was not an ideal otolaryngology applicant. My board scores (233 for Step 1, 244 for Step 2) were below averages for the specialty, and I scored a pass in my Medicine rotation. I am applying with a class cohort of 9, which is frankly enormous, and everyone is so incredible in their own right. And yet, despite this, I received 12 interview invitations and was able to rank 16 otolaryngology slots given the combination of standard and research tracks.
I owe a lot of this to my mentors, who not encouraged and fostered my interests in research and advocacy, but have advocated for me every step of the way. Mentors who helped me create a back-up plan that was fair for all parties involved (e.g. don’t dual-apply if my heart is truly in otolaryngology), who reviewed my personal statement, who went over my ROL with me–sparking necessary if difficult discussions–and who supported my accomplishments.
But beyond that, I am so thankful for my friends.
Applying to residency in this virtual environment can, and did, feel incredibly lonely at times. It’s even tougher when you don’t know the rest of your cohort that well, and when checking in can be misconstrued as sizing up the competition. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have a handful of folks who applied within the same and in different specialties who are willing to share their struggles, feelings of imposter syndrome, and excitement. I can’t wait to see where we all end up.
And lastly, I feel…relieved? It feels like I can breathe a little easier, and go back to doing things I enjoy, without the fear of being under a magnifying glass. It feels good to write without fear that someone will comb through my words and use it to evaluate my professional candidacy. It feels nice to be able to reflect openly and honestly, to once again share my thoughts and experiences without needing to appear polished, and to express myself as more than Pauline the Medical Student.
So yes, I’m terrified that ROL are due tonight. I’ll probably won’t be sleeping well for the next 12 nights, and it feels odd that I’ve angsted about this process for well over 2 years (i.e. right after I got my Step 1 results in Nov 2018) only for it to suddenly end. But I’m also relieved, and excited to return to “normal,” so to speak.
And of course, I can’t wait to see where I call “home” next, and blog all about my next adventure.
And I am terrified. Just…breathe in. Breathe out. One day at a time. Some quotes to get me through: Courage is the greatest of all
I can’t believe they released this egghead into the wild. But in all seriousness, a thousand thank-yous to everyone who helped me on this journey.
I found place to stay! I can finally stop spending 5+ hours a day poring through apartment listings. Although a studio is all I can
After living alone for 5+ years, I have to now decide if I want to (1) still do so at the expense of my wallet
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I am a resident physician who enjoys writing about her life in between deadlines, kitten cuddles, and caffeine-fueled adventures. I write primarily for myself, but would love to share the journey with you.
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. -Winnie the Pooh Oh, how to put my feelings into words. I
for getting a stress fever during finals week. You’re not even mad that I’m stressed (or sick, which is also true), but because you think