Today’s forecast: Stormy with a high chance of a mental breakdown
Or:
When Pauline writes without much thinking
THOUGHT SKETCHES
To the man who agreed to let his loved one go,
I’m sorry we couldn’t do more.
I’m sorry we haven’t been able to figure out why, or how, or how to fix it.
I’m sorry you had to receive the news so suddenly, had to watch it unravel so quickly.
I’m sorry that the first time we meet was under such circumstances.
I’m sorry that I could do nothing but cry with you as you made your decision.
But also, thank you.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your loved one’s care.
Thank you for trusting that we did everything we could, and giving us direction and what your loved one would not have wanted.
Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and welcoming my vulnerability in return.
Step 1 and Done
But honestly…what the hell was that.
I know it’s a normal reaction, but I can’t help but feel that I absolutely bombed it. I’m be over the moon, if I end up wit a 240, but to be honest, I’d be surprised if I even got a 230, which is the national average.
I’m going to celebrate with being done with it, but I can’t help but worry that I didn’t do enough and it’s terrifying. Or maybe it’s that I did all I could and the problem is I’m not enough.
I’m really glad I have a snarky filter.
Barista: Your coffee is free, so you can have 2 shots of espresso, or you can even like 4 if you want.
Me, internally: My goal today is to study the tachyarrhythmias, not experience them firsthand.
Me, externally: Just 2 shots is fine, thanks!
De-waitlisted at Hopkins?!
Received a call from Ms. Mazza while driving my mom to work this morning! askjf;alsjf;al Just…what….life does not feel real right now. Out of all the schools where I’m waitlisted, I did not expected Hopkins to give me a call. (Frankly, I thought the slim chance of an acceptance would arrive via email!) I had already started coming up with a list of apartment buildings to call tomorrow. I have one week to make a decision between Hopkins and Pritzker, but I’m…torn.
I hope financial aid works out. It’s mentally very difficult to turn down Hopkins, but Pritzker has treated me so well, and I can definitely see myself there. At the same time, the opportunities at Hopkins Med….
Lulz This Physics Test
First problem: “Oh hey, I know how to do this!” Second problem: “Okay…not too bad.” Third problem: “LALALALALA I DON’T KNOW WTF I’M DOING“
Hi there, I'm
Pauline
I am a resident physician who enjoys writing about her life in between deadlines, kitten cuddles, and caffeine-fueled adventures. I write primarily for myself, but would love to share the journey with you.
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Lulz This Physics Test
First problem: “Oh hey, I know how to do this!” Second problem: “Okay…not too bad.” Third problem: “LALALALALA I DON’T KNOW WTF I’M DOING“
Comin’ Home
Previous Next What a blur of a week. 41 items of business, an emergency resolution drafted and adopted, 2 conference venues to scurry back and
Decisions, decisions.
With my cycle “officially” over (i.e., assuming no further correspondence from the schools who waitlisted me), it’s time to figure out where I’m heading for